R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Mutatio - Believe me, I understand. This is rough - and you've been trying so very hard. Sometimes, no matter what you do - things don't go the way you want them to.
The trick is to not allow yourself to feel down. Easier said than done, I know. Go take a walk. Distract yourself. So much of how we feel starts in the attitude we allow ourselves to have. You have a beautiful spirit. You see the beauty in life.
Look outside yourself, M. There is a lesson here. What it is?
I have to focus really hard - some days more than others. I'll allow myself 20-30 minutes to just sit and feel how awful I feel, then when the time is up, I wipe my eyes, get up, and do something else. Much of the time when I'm sitting with the feeling, and examining what is going on, I get an answer.
I've had a couple of truly bad episodes since I've been here, so I do know what I'm asking - "think yourself out of it" - but I know that when my brain chemistry hasn't slid completely off in the ditch, there is much I can do to control the bad feelings.
We're here for you. You haven't been abandoned by us.
It's silly. My wife started dieting and exercising about six months ago. Her hard work is really starting to show. She looks like the woman I met 30 years ago. She never made this kind of effort when we were a couple. Now that she is done with me she is working very hard to look very best. That is fine. I just feel like she is done with me and is doing it to be attractive to other men. I feel like she's preparing for the future with another man.
I will try the technique of sitting and processing, it seems like it will work.
Thank you roiste and ancaire, your support means a lot.
"You is smart, you is kind, you is important" . I love this quote from book The Help. It is the first thing that came to mind when I read your feelings of abandonment. Let the passing of the day take this feeling, because it does end, Ancaire and I can attest to that. There has been a trigger, a little nasty thought virus that has taken control. Minimize the little bugger's destruction by containing it. Virus's don't like the light Mu, glad you posted so that we can shine some light on it and show that while its teeth are gnarly and its bark loud and offensive, it is actually small and faceless and worthy of being kicked into touch.
wish I had a chance to give you a big hug. Hugging men is sometimes I problem for me, as I am so short at 5.3, its always me with the guys chin on my head. It always feels like i'm getting a hug rather the giving one. I am sure we could make it work. Lol
Stop trying to guess what's going on in your wife's head. You don't know, it's fiction. And if you're gonna make something up, make it a nice story instead.
Mutatio, I am sorry for your pain. Some days are just harder than others. I don't know what is going on with your W, or what is in your future, but I am willing to bet there is woman out there who is working hard to pull herself together to be attractive for you. Whether its your w or someone you haven't met yet, you are going to be loved again. Because you are a loveable, compassionate and caring man. You will not be lonely and hurt forever. Now what are you doing for yourself today?
You could be right.But you could be wrong too. Dieting and exercising are used by millions of women to feel better about themselves. Simply for her. Think about it. IT is possible.Once there is another possibility your hypothesis is weaker. If it helps accepted this possibility as reality.
Secondly it is out of your control. Your path is unchanged.
Finally, what are you doing to be more attractive?
Best wishes.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
