The more you can drop his bags, the better. Kyrie, your walk with God doesn't mean you have to walk in someone else's footsteps on the beach.
My wife and I have had a very negative feetback loop in how we communicated with each other. I have, after some counseling and talking with people, realize have the CAPACITY to be passive-aggressive and sarcastic, looking for the worst in a situation. I often do with my wife, since she's more like that. I can also be very positive. But I really have to work on that with my wife, as we have a groove worn into our relationship that we always revert back to.
I think it's time to make a new groove. You can be loving AND firm in a boundary. Read Boundaries by Henry Cloud. He's also made marriage boundaries and some other boundaries books. You deserve more, and the Lord has much more in store for you, other than your husband's dumping ground. For a person that is a man of God, leading others in God's word, he's way off the reservation, as long as what you're telling us is true. It's unfortunate, but it happens - I'm broken, you're broken, and we all fall short of perfection - sometimes way far off.
You've come to Divorce Busting to get help - and that is very commendable. What I've seen people tell you over the last couple weeks is to work on yourself, and get the help you need. You won't find the help you need in your husband right now - not even close.
You need to find someone to talk to - to help you work through your situation. I would love to keep giving you encouragement and to fight for your marriage - I just feel the issues are so complex that a bulletin board discussion just isn't going to cut it.
Trumpet (hi! Hope things are well), What does "dropping his bags" while still working on my respect issues and being loving *look like*?? That's what I get all muddled about. What you're talking about sounds like putting the best construction on things (remember that from your Lutheran background?). Yes, those deep ruts of bad patterns are so difficult. I know I won't get help there - I just need to know more about responding, since it seems unavoidable.
Yes, sin is a part of all of us. We're all infected, to quote TWD. ;-) I have an appt with an IC at the end of the month. Thinking that I should focus on communication with that person....hopefully they're worth it. Ugh.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
