So..towards peace and happiness..

[Sotto]

Thanks so much to you all for your good wishes. I am pretty much all better now. Still have a bit of a cough, but basically well again. Just had a couple of busy days away at work, and a very social weekend, which was nice.

H contacted me over the weekend and we exchanged a few emails about ending non-essential direct debits for our marital home. It's a bit weird as the two things he emailed about are both in my name. But it was clear he'd tried to 'end' them himself without success and got quite frustrated. I have said to him many times - just let me know if I can help with anything - but I think contacting me to do things may be a bit of a last resort for him. Anyway, I sorted the two things out and let him know - no response from him to that. He is going to list the house with a further agent this week.

I feel in a funny sort of place at the moment. As though there is really nothing to hang on to. I feel any sort of future with H hangs by a couple of slender threads, which are pulling and tearing as we get closer to D. I partly wonder - was there anything more I could have done? Could do? I partly still feel some love. I partly just feel bleugh towards him, and I partly dread and partly look forward to the D being finalised. I still know that if there were any sort of turn in our sitch, I would still be pleased, so I clearly can't be all done. But, I also feel I am starting to struggle to hold the door open a little. Maybe I am still confused. Although I can visualise a nice life without him, and I can look forward to possibly dating at some point in the future.

I wonder at this point whether there is merit in doing anything, or should I just sit back as I have done and let the D happen. I wonder if I should have fought a little more against it - but would that just have made it more awful for us both. I truly felt he was like a caged animal, trying to get out of the M - and truly, I don't think I'm all that bad really!!

This may all sound a bit negative, but I'm doing okay really. Just posting the jumble that goes around in my mind. If anyone does feel there is anything I might consider at this late stage, please post and let me know.

Otherwise, I'll continue as I am, get through it and then work on getting over it. I truly feel there is little hope at all for our M - but I am pretty hopeful for myself, so that's a good thing I guess.

Take care all xx