I just can't stand seeing someone let themselves go, and not do anything about it. I have suggested hobbies, exercise, pets....she always has an excuse.
Would it help you to understand that she didn't "let herself go", she's mentally ill? Even her obesity may be due to biological factors (her medications may cause obesity, gut flora may be a cause - stool transplants in c. dificile can cause the recipient to become obese if the donor was obese.). Hoarding is a mental illness, not a voluntary behavior. And you mom may be a borderline personality disorder from your description.
Not saying any of this to suggest you need to take her abuse or be in close contact with her. But since you feel she raised you as well as she could, you may want to assist her somewhat from afar. Is there any public entity that deals with elder welfare that could be called in to deal with her hoarding? If it is a health concern they may get involved, as it can be unsafe. Can she qualify for meals on wheels?
