Mu you are welcome to my place to share anything at anytime. You sound sad and heartbroken. There is no need to dismiss these feelings of love and attachment.
I can honestly say without a shadow of doubt that I still love Mr M, we have not been in each other's lives in any other way for the last 5 years other than the occasional phone call, text or coffee catch up.
It took a long time to not to feel the heartbreak and loss of him. To feel the love and be so overwhelmed by it. But the ache disspates over time. Life does continue, the colour is off life a little for a time, until one day you feel ok. I can look at Mr M now and I can feel happy that he has found someone who truly gets him and makes him feel loved. I never made he feel that way. It was my desire but I really did never make him feel that way.
Mu, you are living in an unnatural circumstance of being close to your lover, partner and friend and unable to make connection. It is inhumane and torturous. Don't ignore the reality of your situation. But recognise too that the heart and mind are operating under emotional warlike conditions and to have a pardon or leave from the hell would be liberating.
I have said this a couple of times on the board this week. That life and lessons come back on themselves. You have been doing the work Mu. The hard graft, the digging dig into yourself. For a this time your focus has been on you and your business. So for a moment you have peaked your head up and found that your sitch are the same. This saddens you and brings you back to feelings of grief and lost love. This is shift Mu. Because although it looks the same, you are seeing with different eyes and feeling with a different heart. Once the hurt and loss and heartache are felt, a new understanding and insight will come. Likely a new action or maybe just sitting with what is.
I would love to lighten this load for you my marvellous Mu. A thought springs to mind and this may not be your thing at all. I wonder if a therapuetic massage would be helpful. I know that your love language is Physical touch. Maybe some gentle touch would provide either some relief or some release. I am a physical touch girl. And I have found massage a good release for this at times. I have cried a couple of times on the massage table. Therapists expect it.
Once again please feel free to come by my thread anytime. My door is always open and hug always extended. You are very much loved.
