Morning Job, and thanks for your wise words. I would rather not even think about him asking to come back because it can backfire me big time and I will be crawling back to the dark hole.
But if I think about I can just say that I agree with you 100%. This man is a traveling dude, and it won't be easy to just trust him overnight. If that happens, we will need to be boyfriend & girlfriend for quite a good time and there will be a lot of IC, maybe MC, FC, it is quite complicate.
Last night I prayed and fell asleep. This morning I made my decision and texted this to XH:
Good Morning XH! Last night I prayed for guidance and I decided to meet and talk with you one last time about the "between us". In the real world I know we have kids together and I will be forever willing to discuss anything about them. I have only one request. I will only meet with you if it's not to discuss anything about your girlfriend. If you want, for some left respect because I am the mother of your children, to let me know you will be moving to France, or she is moving here, or she is pregnant, whatever it is, you can just call me and it will be private as well. So this is my request and I ask you to respect that. Please, know that I got to terms with myself and I accept all the wrongs I did to the demise of my marriage, and I understand you have all rights to be happy. I actually admire you for choosing what is better for yourself. I will be busy today and tomorrow, if it is OK with you, I can meet you on Thursday late afternoon, around 7 or 8pm? Please, let me know which way you want this to go. Thank you and have a great day!
Maybe it is not the right words, maybe I am not DBing, but it is what was in my heart and that is what is real for me.
I just sent that text and will see what will be his answer. Whatever it is, so be it. I wish I could say that I am super OK and having a blast, but I am not.
It all brings me a lot of pain and that is not fun to deal with. I can just take it easy and endure whatever comes my way at this point in my sitch. There is not much to do besides saying what I want or don't want.
Yes, I am thinking about myself more and more these days, have been feeling a little better for doing so. But it is still very intense to have any contact with XH. My body hurts, my stomach hurts, I can't really eat much, I feel like a got a bad cold.
But I know better, being here for such long time, I have learned that this will also pass and that tomorrow things will get better and brighter. I just need the flood to go by and then clean the mud left behind.
Thanks to you all for giving hope for "Myself". Love, Pink
