Mutatio - Believe me, I understand. This is rough - and you've been trying so very hard. Sometimes, no matter what you do - things don't go the way you want them to.
The trick is to not allow yourself to feel down. Easier said than done, I know. Go take a walk. Distract yourself. So much of how we feel starts in the attitude we allow ourselves to have. You have a beautiful spirit. You see the beauty in life.
Look outside yourself, M. There is a lesson here. What it is?
I have to focus really hard - some days more than others. I'll allow myself 20-30 minutes to just sit and feel how awful I feel, then when the time is up, I wipe my eyes, get up, and do something else. Much of the time when I'm sitting with the feeling, and examining what is going on, I get an answer.
I've had a couple of truly bad episodes since I've been here, so I do know what I'm asking - "think yourself out of it" - but I know that when my brain chemistry hasn't slid completely off in the ditch, there is much I can do to control the bad feelings.
We're here for you. You haven't been abandoned by us.
