My jerkface has a lot of destruction to finish before I will go near him again. I am happier just playing in my own sandbox for the next year.
I still kinda think of him often. Kinda, because it is not him I think of, but who he was the last time he came home. I remember the words he said. I remember his actions. I remember how electrifying my M was for the next 2 years. Like a honeymoon all over again, only better than the first honeymoon.
And often is not really often. I mean, I am on these boards every day, so yeah, how could I not think about him reading all of this? But during my normal daily activities, I dont allow him in my brain.
It is Friday, and I only have one hour left at work, after that, I will be dancing with Brian and laughing with my friends and he is not invited anywhere near that!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Yeah for PA folks..if you all ever get together I would definitely join ya
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Hiya all. No real new on the M homefront to update. I dont speak to jerkface. On a personal level, I had a wicked fun weekend. I danced all night Friday with Brian. Nothing more, he has not even asked me for my phone number. But he wont let anyone else dance with me either. It is kinda funny. He has a very large personality, so he sort of plants himself in front of me on the dance floor and most other men are intimidated and slink away. He can do this because I dance in sort of a group, and the other men who want to dance with me dance sort of beside me in this circle of the whole group. If I am laughing with a guy in the circle, out of no where I will find Brian, right in front of me and he wiggles us out of the circle to our own spot.
No one else takes any initiative, and truthfully, it feels really good. So we danced all night Friday, and he is really a nice, normal guy. The way he dances perfectly matches me, and that is saying a lot because no other guy can move like me. They sort of just move back and forth. Brian could actually be a real threat. He is a professional, and looks nice. He is outstandingly respectful. Even on Friday, we danced a little closer during the slow songs then ever before, and it was perfect and never once did I get nervous that he would cross a line. He can talk about intelligent things. He was even telling me about Edison. I was laughing because if he knew me at all he would know I already know everything about Edison, lol. But it was cute. He offers a wide variety of things my H could never give me and some are things I am dying for.
But, like I said, he has not even asked me for my phone number, so for now it is a moot point.
Saturday night, me and 3 other girls decided to have a girls night out. It turned out to be a nightmare for me, but I still had fun. The girls I was with are all 65 and older, lol. I am 43. So we go to this new bar I have not been to before. Before we even got in the door, my one friend was plastered all over this guy. She is 72 years old. So she was gone for the rest of the night. My other friend left after one set because this is a private bar, and they allowed smoking and it made her sick. So she was gone for the rest of the night. Unbelievably, I was left with the grumpiest woman I know. She hates everything, and low and behold SHE found a man and poof, all my friends were gone and I was just sitting there.
This guy I kind of know through other people would not leave me alone as soon as he saw me alone. I felt bad for him because I am sure he does not date much. So we danced and talked for a bit. He asked for my number, and I felt so bad and did not want to hurt his feelings so I gave Vern my number. He has called me three times since Saturday and texted me twice. He texted me again at 8 this morning. I texted him back a quick hi. I have never been in this position so I am unsure exactly how to proceed. I DO NOT want to hurt his feelings, but I am not interested. He hasn't even asked me out yet so I may be worrying over nothing, but I feel stuck.
Sunday I just sort of took the day to relax. I missed the dance Sunday night because I needed time off. But, all night I kept wishing I was there. And i really regret not going.
Last night I had a sleep over with Chris and nothing much happened, but I would rank last night as one of my top 10 nights of my life. I just had the greatest time.
I have taught myself that it does not matter where I am or who I am with, I can always have the greatest night if I want to. Last night I refused to see myself as mommy, wife, employee, daughter, student, or scientist. I allowed only 2 personalities to show and shoved the others far far away. Last night I was friend and woman.
This was so new to me. But I jumped in with both feet and there are no words to describe how successful it was. Letting go of everything, which I can tell you is a lot to let go of, for just a few hours was indescribable. Chris lives an hour away from me. So as I was driving home, this is the text I got:
Chris: You are beautiful and amazing... My head is still spinning.
I would say my experiment could not have been more successful than that!
So I am at work, dead tired this morning but my PMA is over the moon today. And my PMA does not hinge on one thing. Like, I dont need Brian to pursue, my PMA is up when I think about him explaining who Edison is to me, lol. Vern called again this morning. I am not interested, but it still bumps up my PMA. Chris wont text or call for another few days, but my PMA is not reliant on him calling me. I feel good from what I already got, not what I want to get. My term ends in a few days, so that bumps up my PMA. I am getting so much work done at work today. The publisher has emailed me almost every day now for work. I got a job offer in California to teach at a college. (I am not interested, but PMA UP UP UP).
I am getting a D. That svcks, and I wont fight it, and it brings my PMA down, but really, look how far up my PMA is? My D can barely put a dent in it today.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I can just picture you Mona, strutting into a bar with Shania Twains "I Feel Like a Woman" playing, and all the guys stopping and staring. It's good to know old people are hooking up, gives me some hope for my future. By the time H figures out he is really done with me I will probably be in my 70's and its good to know I could still "date."
