Interactions with XW are much different in private vs in public. In public, it is scarce now, and quick. In private, we can and do talk for 10 or 15 minutes. Never any bad interactions. I don't understand the duality of it.
I love her and want a future R, but I have way too much riding on that possibility. I need to quit that. She never has shown any remorse or willingness to try. She has shown sadness at the loss of our M, but I think that is normal with anyone. My mind still searches for the magic bullet. I am being a great dad, and I am working on my faults. It's really all I can do, and I need to be ok with that. I still struggle with feeling like I can fix everything someway. I am super emotional right now. It's either a valley on the rollercoaster, or birthing pains. I hope that it is the latter. I will be happy again. I know this. It's just not the way I had hoped and dreamed of.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
