Joie, I do wish you well on your journey. I can tell you've put up with an awful lot. I will admit that I am rubbed the wrong way. No huge deal, I'm human, it's not that uncommon. I am just trying to figure out why. Best I can tell, the same way you feel I am judging you without knowing much about your sitch, I get the feel you think your sitch is different and more complicated than that many thousands that have gone before you that have come here for support, and there are all of these references to things we don't know or understand. But when I hear talk of 'limits', ultimatums, and moving to other relationships, based on feelings and what you're getting out of the marriage at this time, well, that strikes a nerve because to me that is the same way of thinking that has eroded marriage in this country and led to the pain in the hearts of each poster on this forum.
My beliefs are extremely clear on this subject. I believe that we are to follow our beliefs not feelings because feelings are a poor compass to steer our lives by and thoughts are no better being rationalizations of those feelings. So the smartest people I know are smart enough not to forge their own path, but to know they should follow a higher set of beliefs. I believe that every single married person in the world could easily, easily, easily file for divorce and have good reasons to do so because marriage is that hard, and at the end of the day you get to choose, do you want a lifelong marriage, or do you want a story about why that wasn't possible in your life? It really is one or the other. And I think it is important to understand that at the onset of a family crisis because it is that hard, I usually tell people with 'breaking points' to just go ahead and file because the only way to save a marriage is to dig deeper than they ever thought possible, fair, or necessary, and if they aren't committed to it there is no way it will just magically work itself out. But I realize not everyone agrees with those beliefs, in fact it's clear looking at the world I am in the minority.
This doesn't mean that this isn't a great forum to be on. The people here are some of the most dedicated and courteous people I've ever met. Even disagreements are underscored with love and respect which I have for you. While I feel the responsibility to speak boldly to someone that is on the verge of taking actions I don't believe in, once I've said my piece there is no reason to keep repeating it and I can assure you I will not. You have heard me and I appreciate that. In the meantime I agree that your situation is extremely difficult, and I want you to find support from some of the strong leaders in our community. While your sitch is unique and I am very sorry for the pain you're in, I will tell you we are all fighting the fight to try to get some comfort, and sort through the mess that happens when our spouse walks away.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
