Uggh....really bad couple of days for me. I am just heartbroken...again. H has been talking to OW again on the phone about 3 times a day. I knew that something was weird about the cell phone and so I looked up his bill online. I had to know. So many lies to "protect" me. I asked him if we could take a ride, I then asked him about it. He said he had been feeling bad- lonely- and his head was all screwed up. He said he cant make me happy, I dont deserve this. It isnt my fault. He hates the way he has been acting and is broken, as in broken in his head. This was a catharsis of emotions -arguing, crying by me, almost crying by him, lots of sadness. I am really struggling. I thought things were better. It is so heartbreaking that I have to go through this again. I feel like I should do something drastic. I dont have the strength. He has called several times to chk on me. Last night was actually ok. H said it was a relief to talk honestly and not have me completely fall apart. Last night I was confused and being quiet and even smiling with the kids. He told me today after all my questioning that he gets most upset about not being able to make me happy. I dont know what this means. I was starting to get happy and very hopeful. He later said this means that she makes him feel appreciated and he could make her happy. But that I am a higher caliber ? of a person. She has much less going for her I guess. Anyway, I cry, he feels attacked, checks on me out of guilt. We had sex this morning It is just a roller coaster ride. I need a plan. We need to make some decisions on how things are going to be. I asked him to not call her and he said he would. I told him to let me know if she is out of the picture and that I have to protect myself from everything until this happens. ??? not sure how to tell him I am not working on things until she is gone. She is never gone. He spoke with her 4 times last year and now this.
If I can, and I feel like a big fool for getting hopeful, I know I could work on appreciating him. That is so hard right now. He still loves me,, cares about me,, feels awful and just really sad. I set up a Dr appt for him and he went and got some meds. 2 kinds: one works in about 2 weeks and the other is as needed. He hates to take medicine and these are addictive. I asked him if it was better to feel so bad and said he guesses not.
so.....I am really sad andreally down and just hurting all over. He said that he hasnt seen her or anything- just these phone calls.
we were seperated almost a year, he saw me every waking hour and slept at his sisters. He was more attentive and called more and we always went on dates once a week. This is also when he didnt contact OW all year. He moved back in - sept. He started calling her in January.
Help

Shay