Rollercoaster: Now what?

[- MB -]

NYGal, first let me just say that I hate that you had a bad night and I hope you're feeling better. You are a kind and beautiful person that deserves so much better than you're getting. Life isn't always fair. Sad, but true. Life is not fair! So, take a deep breath and just think about this.....

My friend told me that W is....

You were having a good day and we're happy to go out with some friends. Then, this happened. I KNOW that you want to know what is going on with her, I want to know every move my H makes as well, but this hurt you deeply. Was it worth it? Did you gain something from it? When you found out the latest about your SO and the OW, did it cause them pain? The answer is not. They were still happy while you were hurting. The only person that hurt was YOU. Please don't torture yourself like that. You are plunging the knife into your own heart and twisting it. They didn't feel a thing, only you. Be kind to yourself and save yourself the torment. Finding out that information did not help you at all and only caused you more pain. When you go out with friends again, tell them that SO and OW are off limits. Tell them that you are working on yourself and don't have any interest in knowing how they are doing. If they forget and try to tell you, stop them. It will be very hard, but you can do it. I know you can.

I'm bitter and mean and crazed right now. I am fighting the urge to call W and tell her she's a fool and has made the biggest mistake of her life. I would have rammed her car if I saw them. I am not doing well at all right now. It's not pretty. I am sick and I am tired and I am struggling to stay positive.

As I said above, was that information really worth all of this? Did it change anything (other than your mood) for you to find this out? Please be kind to your heart and don't torment yourself like this. It's normal to cycle through emotions while you are going through this. Just remember that it WILL pass and you will move on to the next emotion. You're also forgetting that the OW is not about you. She is the downgraded version of you that your SO is using to to feel better about herself. If she were thinking clearly, would she really choose a woman that just uses and throws people away like the OW does? Would she choose a woman that was straight over you-her partner of 10 years? The answer is no. She is not thinking clearly and this is not about you. You are better than this and if she doesn't realize it, then when you're done working on yourself, you will find a wonderful woman that thinks you hung the moon and you will be ridiculously happy together. . In the meantime, don't sabotage your hard work up to this point by calling or texting your SO. Work on DBing the best you can and trust the process.

Can't I please just text her and say scr#w you?

You can, but it would be a very bad idea. And, after you do, you will feel like crap and be so sorry that you did it...but will be unable to take it back. Do ANYTHING other than contacting SO or OW. ANYTHING! Go for a walk, meditate, journal, cry in the shower, read a book, watch TV, call a friend, count stars....anything.

I hope you're feeling better NYGal. I'm praying for you.