Adventures of PP, Woofie, and the WAW (10)

[PigPen]

Thank you sweet JellyB, you've been just a kind fellow traveler on this journey.

I believe you answered my question of what to do - keep trusting, keep evolving, let the chips fall where they may.

Now that I'm leaving I still feel the pull. What happens if I come back and my W is with someone else (she may be already for all I know)? Will I be more ok with this if we are fully divorced? Am I setting myself up for false hope by her lack of pulling the trigger? Would it be a show of integrity to myself to finish the D as I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me?

The answer to all of the above? Keep trusting, keep evolving, let the chips fall where they may.

It's so challenging to not try to control an aspect of this one way or another. To put a stake in the ground and claim the D and use that as a way to satisfy my ego by saying I got my self esteem to a place where I couldn't have open loops and an undecided spouse in my life - even though it's not what I want ideally.

This weekend I spent the days with other men who were fearless in their pursuit of deepening themselves, of opening their hearts, growing their compassion, relating to their emotions, and cracking themselves wide opening. It was awe inspiring and left me feeling there is work to be done in the world. I'd love a Partner for that work, but perhaps my work for the next year needs to be done alone.

I appreciate your thoughts Jelly, they helped me with my own.

Much love back to you and more,

PP