Need support navigating the change in my marriage

[G8r]

Took D3 over to a friend's house to watch football and have dinner with him and his wife. D3 had fun playing and baking gingerbread man cookies. Despite the acivities, I'm still feel depressed. It feels like a charade.

Also looks like W is giving me the silent treatment now. Haven't heard from her since she responded thank you after I let her know that I picked up D3 from day care yesterday evening. I hope she is doing some so searching but that is unlikely. Uggggg Why do I worry what she is thinking? Need to let it go.

[G8r]

At an indoor playground with D3. She is having a blast and she keeps bringing smiles to my face. Sure is a good distraction. Still trying how to figure how to distract myself when she is asleep or away. Exercise and visiting friends is helpful but not effective for me. Mind quickly drifts.

[G8r]

Need advice. WW text me about an hour ago asking, "All ok?". Should I respond? If so, how? Thinking either with thumbs up icon or Great. You? I know that she is only interested in D3. Advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

[G8r]

WW comes back home today from weekend trip. I'm happy that she'll be so happy to see D3. Wish she still felt the same about me. I'll have to put on my best happy face when she gets home.

How much of what D3 and I did this weekend should I tell her when she asks? I'd like to keep that for D3 and myself but don't want to come across as cold or uncaring. I'd also like for her to continue sharing her experiences with D3 with me. Suggestions?

[Tyler12]

Hi G8r. I apologize I have to catch up on your thread. And I appreciate you coming to mine.
" how much to tell her, when she asks"
Remember have no expectaions. If your like me you expect et to come to you asking how the weekend was and what you did. What if she doesn't ask? It Los going to hurt and your going to follow her around until she asks of you just start telling her. I used to.
it seems like you want her to ask you so you can say how great it was and make yourself feel good and hope she gives you a smile and a pat on the back?
Remember actions not words.
If your trying g to get a positive reaction from her your still focusing on her not you.
You had a great weekend with D3 that's for you. If she does ask you all I would say is it was a good, we had fun. If she asks what you did I would try to refrain from extreme details. Just hi lights? That part I am still working on myself and others may have better advice in that respect.

[G8r]

Thanks Tyler12. I think I'm ok about not having any expectations. I'm more concerned about coming off as distant, cold and uncaring. I'm looking for indifferent because part of my problem stems from shutting people out. I'm not intentionally cold or rude to people and some have mentioned that i seem aloof. I don't feel that is the real me and I don't know how to change that perception.

[G8r]

I take that back Tyler12. I do have expectations (just been rationalizing and denying) which have led to a LOT of anger and resentment. I think my anger and resentment have been the driving force in my W going from wanting a separation to wanting a D.

THANK YOU for pointing that out!!! I needed that different perspective.

[Tyler12]

I struggle with worrying about coming off as cold and distant as well. I feel that was part of my problem as well. Ex is this morning I texted her to say good luck. It felt good to me.
I have to remember tho. She is the one that asked for time and space. When S dropped the bomb to her the old marriage was over. I don't want to be demoted to friend. I want to be best friend and hisband.
I'm letting go of the anger. Accept that this her choice and path. You have to figure out your path and goals. I'm working on those too.

[G8r]

Thanks again for the encouraging words Tyler12. WW got home at 7pm and was aggravated because I previously told her I didn't want her falling me to ask about D3 while she is away because of her choices (wouldn't be the same if it were for work or a family emergency) and it was really hard for her this weekend. I previously told her it was confusing to D3 and I didn't like lying to D3 and telling her mommy is at work after the call when D3 asks where mommy is. She also didn't like that I was vague and told her we were having adventures when she texted asking what we were doing. This could have easily boiled into an argument but I Td her she was welcome to join us if she wants and left it at that. She gave me some more spew about talking to her L, that I wouldn't like it if she did that to me and that i shouldn't put D3 in between us. If not for your expectation comment, I'm sure I would have responding. Instead i did my best to smile and remain calm, especially since she viewed it as another exqmple of us arguing and a reason for us getting a D. Doesn't really matter if i argue with her or not at this point. Anytime she disagrees with me and i dont give her what she wants its an argument in her book. I'm saddened by her comments and threats but not nearly as much if I hadn't thought about not having any expectations prior to her arriving home. Thank you.

Btw, I'm happy she shares stuff she does when she has D3 but I don't ask. Only reinforce by thanking her for sharing.

[G8r]

Oh. Had a great time at the Natural History Museum with D3. She loves the dinosaurs and the gemstones the best. Pretty eclectic kid.