dday, rebooted

[dday]

Not sure why, but been rather emotional for the last week. Starting with feeling really attached last week after being around xw tons. Then hearing rumors, and having a talk with xw. I read an article online about D, and started crying. I feel like there is a struggle going on in me. My head is bouncing from "what can I do to fix this", to "she doesn't want you, walk away!". Sometimes with no pause in between.

I broke down yesterday after xw picked up s7. She has cut her hair and colored it. It looks nice, but she always kept it longer and more natural because I liked it. Doesn't matter why she did it, I took it personally. I need to quit. I need to accept that I have probably lost her forever. I need to quit looking for signs. I will always care for her, but apparently she doesn't care enough to want to fix our family and start a new r. I need to let go.