B's 10-Week Bootcamp

[Fogg]

Have you read 'No More Mr Nice Guy' yet? I seen the covert contracts from your last thread, you will easily recognize them after reading the book and it will allow you to dig into why you do them. I would also suggest 'The Solo Partner' to stop you from reacting to her and getting so defensive. She knows how to push your buttons and as long as you keep letting her she will to prove the point D is whats best. I'm not sure you see how much you contribute to these negative interactions. You can, on your own, stop them from getting to the points they do regardless of what she does. All this arguing and fighting can be stopped by 1 person. My W was the bitch most of our M and I was the [censored] also, we might be separated now and likely D'ed at some point in the future, but we interact better now than we have in years. It may never lead to a M being rebuilt between us but there are much worse outcomes to this.

In those texts all you had to do was ask her not to communicate through the kids and leave it at that. Instead, you attacked her and guilt ed her by using the effects on the kids, threw the D in her face, threw the A in her face, accused her of cheating. You want her to see those things but when they come from you, even if they are true, it just gets filed under "[censored] H using lies to attack me" in her brain. She wont see these things if you throw them in her face because you feel hurt. She mentioned previously a reason for the D as you being an [censored] and you smiled smiled and drove away. You might not like to hear this, but theirs truth to what shes saying, you likely do come across as the [censored]. It doesn't matter if shes coming across as the bitch, you're still in the wrong also. You cant control her but you can control yourself.

You can keep acting like you did through out your M while supporting her decision to do this, or you can change and become the man only a fool would leave.

I get what shes doing is painful and hurts, it [censored] shes ripping your family apart and you have a right to be angry. But that doesn't give you a right to let your emotions control how you act. That is exactly what shes doing after-all, isn't it?

The angry hurt guy can be just as hard to control as the needy hurt guy, but you can do it.