Not doing well at all. Yesterday was awful and today was even worse. Today I discovered H has bought a motorbike without my knowledge! Round about the time he redirected his mail (which I also only discovered this week) so I guess I know why he redirected it now.
Yesterday I ended up venting at him about letting the kids down again on Saturday night. Why did he let them down? He was having tea at his sisters. She has wanted nothing to do with us for about 9 years...hmmm. I just let everything out at him. How he is only thinking of himself, the kids are upset every night, the only person happy with any of this is him, etc, etc, etc. Then to top it off he had taken the day off work. Why???? To go to a mate's house for Sunday lunch (so he says). NOT to see his kids who he hadn't seen for four days by this point! What was he supposed to say when he was invited?he asked with a furrowed brow. How about, sorry mate, thanks for the offer but as I haven't seen my kids for four days and I have the day off I'm going to take them out somewhere and spend some quality time with them. About half an hour of silence later and he text his friend and told him he couldn't make it. He then spent the entire day here just sitting doing nothing until he plugged in headphones to S11's laptop and watched videos. I did feel bad and wrote a short note saying sorry, that isn't who I am or want to be I am just really struggling with the pain of this situation. He put the note in his pocket after he read it.
So........with that rant that blew DBing out of the water and today's discovery I think I feel like throwing the towel in and filing for D myself. I cannot believe what the man I married has turned into. Can't sleep, feel physically sick and crying my eyes out.
Thanks for always checking in on me, it means a great deal to me.
