A stupid example of my negativity during that time is, if H made eggs, instead of saying, "Oh, thanks for making eggs!" first, I would say, "Oh, do these have a lot of oil in them?" first, and then say, "oh, thanks for making eggs, though, I appreciate it!" Not great.
To be a little balanced, I could (and did) try to explain to him in a million different ways, things like, "I prefer eggs without oil," but he usually would not seem to hear or respond to it. He would be loving in his way, but not really in ways I asked for. A stupid example of that was early in our marriage, if he woke up first, he would start playing with my face "because you're cute." I thought it was sweet and funny, but I also asked him in a kind and silly way if he could let me sleep instead. He kept playing with my face. So it goes.
I'm thrilled that I have been able to get my life back so thoroughly after the hard times last year, but also, I'm really questioning whether this relationship - which I and so many others thought was such a good match - is worth continuing to work so hard on. I have wonderful friends who are supporting me in my DB'ing, to the point that they're studying up on it so they can support me better! Six weeks before BD, he told a bunch of my friends at the celebration of my milestone that we were going to start trying to conceive kiddo #2. Remember how I mentioned I'm in my early 40s? We were already pushing it a little bit but both really wanted a second one, and I was totally healthy with the first. There is pretty much no chance I will have that option in my life now. That is an incredibly hard pill to swallow no matter how the limitation comes - infertility or any other. This for is no different, but the lies and betrayal on top of having that chance taken away from me...well, he - and the marriage - would have to be pretty amazing to be worth waiting for. I'm just not sure either one is.
