Last night

[kyrie]

Kyrie,

DB tries to help us save ourselves, and our marriages. But please note that in her books and here,

no one is saying that we must save our marriages, at all cost.

I'm not sure how wonderful "saving a marriage" is,

IF what we really mean is to "not divorce", AND to stay in a marriage with disrespect as an acceptable option. Some marriages are not going to survive no matter what One spouse does...

I've still not figured out what your h sees as HIS responsibilities (as opposed to his rights).

You earn the money and you do most of the house work (but apparently not in a humble enough way) and most of the child care...and

You said it has been a pretty long time since you've had much happiness in this m,
and I can see why.

So, Do you believe you, Kyrie, deserve to be happy & respected?

What would be the negative consequences of a divorce from him, which HE has threatened?

Finally, if your h remains as he is now, (which is actually the most likely path), then what are the negative consequences of staying married to him?

"Deserve" is a dangerous word. That implies solely selfishness. It's not giving or selfless - it's demanding.
Should marriages enjoy the blessings that God promises of them? Yes. He also promises it will take our ALL - ourselves, to do it.
His responsibilities...that's a good question. Wonder if I should ask it...interesting!
Happiness is not the point of M. I'm sure you know that. Negative consequences: well that would be strike 2 for me, so that's pathetic, but I'm ok w/that if it comes to it. It's ugly, but I understand it. It would shatter my children and frankly I'd still have to deal w/him all the time when it came to them. I'd have 2 stupid XHs to deal with....ugh. And finally, it would utterly destroy him AND his ministry and most likely my church. I realize that's mostly on his plate, not mine, but still, I do care. Negative consequences of staying M... there are many there too. Soul-sucking hurt I guess. I'm sure there' s more.