Getting sucked into his arguments, his spew, is hard. You care about him.
The trick is to realize it takes two to dance. And could you learn a new dance? To dance better? If we boil down all the support you've gotten, my thoughts are this:
Work on yourself. You can't fix your husband. He's got issues. Working on yourself is understanding the situation, getting tools to handle the stress of a husband who has issues affecting the marriage, and getting the help YOU need to be the best Kyrie.
Expressing your frustration is good - keep on posting. I keep up on your sitch, and there is no easy fix. I admire you. You are in it for the long haul. You want to have a family that is a blessing. Let's make sure Kyrie has the love inside of her (for us, it's the love of Christ working in us) first and foremost, for then we can love others. Be honest with yourself. But you're not showing love to your husband by trying to fix him.
My wife tried for 15 years. My addiction never stopped. It took a big event to realize what I was doing. It might take an event like that to have your husband stop. That isn't your responsibility right now - drop those bags.
Breathe. Exercise. Read. Enjoy the kids. PRAY. Be your best. And let the other chips fall where they may.
Thanks Trumpet. Hope you're well today. I feel like such a failure lately. Nothing I do seems to be right. I feel so desperate for his attention/affection. Getting really jealous of him laughing & playing w/D14... that's kinda messed up. I know I have to detach. Just feeling like I am all those things he says I am: a screw up, prideful, foolish, self-centered. Stupid. Waaaa. Ok, enough whining.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
