We don't talk, hardly acknowledge each other and I am struggling on how to validate anything when she won't communicate. She refused all counselling. How do I not take her crap ? just by not rising to it? Do I remain projectedly cheerful ?
If she won't talk, then forget about validation. At this point, it is self-perservation. If you don't want to project cheerfulness, then don't. Don't do what is not working for you. Stop considering her feelings, moods, and words. She wanted a divorce, so show her how it will look! Stop treating her as if she's your W.
If she says something disrespectful, call her out about it. Use a very firm voice (not yelling, no threathening, just firm and in control) and tell her to go stay somewhere else, that her unattractive ways are not appreciated in your home. She doesn't get a free ride on your ticket and disrespect you in the meantime. Don't stand there like a dummy while she dumps sh't on you. Leave! Don't get whiny or b'tchy, be a man about it.
I am not encouraging you to get into a fight. I am trying to encourage you to stand up for yourself. You do not have to take this treatment.
Don't be afraid of her anger. Don't fear her moods. What more can she do that she hasn't already done to you emotionally? Many, perhaps even most, WW's are bullys. Just like a schoolyard bully, they won't stop until you show them you aren't afraid of them. If she starts to get violent, call the cops. Otherwise, hold your ground and remain calm and strong. When a WW sees she cannot manipulate, control, backdown, or upset her LBH and he remains in control of his life and maintains his inner strength and manhood........she respects it. She may never tell him.......but she respects it.
Do not argue with her. You make non-negotiable statements and don't ask for her opinion or how she feels about anything. You cannot be a friend with her. Why would want to be friends with anyone who treats you this way?
It saddens me when you say you don't know how not to take her cr@p. I see so many guys like you and the horrible women they M. You must walk tall, with shoulders back and have an attitude of decisiveness and confidence. This is very important. You are a prize that some woman out there would love to win.
Stop trying to please your WW. Stop trying to win her. Leave her alone and start living a life without her now. Don't wait till she moves out, do it now. If she questions you about your activities, tell her nothing! She no longer has the right to know about your personal business and life. Don't ask her anything that doesn't concern the kids. Act as if you are over her. You're so done with her. If she gives you lip about anything, tell her to get out. Stop giving her money and/or doing anything for her. Play hardball. Tell her you don't want her there.
This may sound shocking and far from what you consider DBing. I am just trying to give you an idea how to deal with a disrespectful woman. At this point, you will not get her back with the usual nice-guy ways. It simply won't work. Stop feeling disparate, and stop being afraid.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
