B's 10-Week Bootcamp

[Bfice3]

So, I don't know where I am right now. I mean, at this point, if she were to even begin to show interest in our marriage again I don't even know how I would feel about that. She is hurting me. She is hurting our children. And she is doing it all feeling 100% completely justified and without any visible remorse.

We talk about children ya know, and how smart they are, and what they pick up on. Well, I've been talking to my kids about me getting a bigger place, potentially a 3 bedroom townhouse. My D(11) asked me about it again this morning, asked if I had visited any new places. (I let them come with me to visit one the other day because I wanted them to feel comfortable with what I choose and don't want to just be like oh hey this is where you'll be calling home now when you are with me.) So, I told her no I hadn't seen any new ones in the past few days. (This weekend I texted my WW to let me know how long she would remain in NC because I needed to be able to make decisions about signing a new lease. Her response was vague and ineffectual except for when she asked if I wanted to move to LA with D(15) so our daughter could finish high school where the WW went!) So, I asked out loud to all the kids if there had been any talk from mom about moving or anything like that. D(15) responds, "Yeah, I asked her about it last night, and said its been 4 months, isn't this supposed to be ending now? But mom just said she didn't know." At which point D(11) "Its not ending, its forever".

Man, that just crushed me. They know. They can see it. These poor kids, they didn't ask for this. I know I've been a bad husband, been selfish, been a drunk, I know I have a part in this failed marriage. And it makes me so sad that my kids have to bear this for the rest of their lives.

But...well...one day at a time right. Be not afraid.

I'm going to love my kids as much as I can, and build me into a man that is going to be more amazing than I've ever been. The future is bright for B! And through my rising, my children will be lifted.

That's the plan. Regardless of that woman does.

I feel somewhat better now. There was a lot that happened that I've left out, but most of it was just more nitpicky, complaining and lying from my WW. But, its good to get it out of my head and let you all take it from me.

I need to do some actual work now, but I'll be back later.

Thanks all.