I hope I am not running it into the ground by saying how this seems to be very common in LBH'S. He is a nice guy, maybe speaks softly, undemanding, easy-going, and very forgiving. People may say he doesn't have an enemy in the world, and he never makes waves. He pretty much gives his W whatever she wants and he can get it or do it for her. He leaves most decisions to her, or else they make it together, b/c he sees it as making her happy. When she's in a bad mood or gets too b'tchy, he just ignores it, b/c he figures it will keep the peace.
Maybe some of this describes you, or maybe not. What gives it away, to me, is that I sense your dread in doing some action that shows her where you stand as a man. You had much rather discuss things and work it out through talks. Am I getting close to describing you?
The problem with a WW is that she sees all of those qualities as being soft, and she has seen how she can bully you. B/c you have allowed her to treat you badly, she's lost respect for you and no longer appreciates these nice-guy traits.
I am M to the sweetest, nicest guy on earth. You could ask anyone in town and they would tell you he is such a niceguy. I fell for him when I was very young and we M young. I was not mature enough and not prepared to deal with his passivity. My dad was the strong leader in my family, and so I didn't know what to think when I saw my H not making decisions, allowing his mother to rule our lives, and not defending me. I would chew him out, and he wouldn't stand up to me, either. The resentment grew and grew and the disrespect began to mount. I tried to talk it out. I tried to tell him what I needed. I tried everything I could think of or read about. Nothing seemed to work. Then, after years of much emotional stress and depression, my guard let down and someone said something that made me feel more alive than I had felt in ages. I began an A.
The WW will not hear you talk. She only sees what you do. In many ways, it is a battle of who is the strongest. She sees you as a whimp. She doesn't want a whimp for a H. Although, most WW's affair down, it only shows her misplaced judgement and lack of logic. Regardless of how sorry the OM may be, she only sees her H lacking the ability to stand up to her and show her he will not take her cr@p. Invariably, it's when he gets enough and starts to dump her, that she starts to see the man she wanted. Sad, that it takes him losing the M to finally hold his own with her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
