Finally...I still can't even picture trusting a woman right now. I can picture having a fling. Having some fun. Making each other feel special or getting some endorphins.
Zues, I'm by no means encouraging you to have a fling, but I'm just a little shocked you said that. You've been so adamant about it, just for you to say it seems like a step forward. And that's what I've wanted for you all along, for you to open yourself to another woman, and realize she might not be The One and be at peace with that. Have a good time, learn things about yourself, learn how to treat a good woman. And move on when the time is right if that's what needs to happen. Let me know when you are taking applications.
Oh no Sunny. I think I let you down. When I said this was all I could picture, it was more like a sign that I was a long way off as none of this would interest me. You're right, I have been adamant about it. For me the idea of being anything less than all in is extremely distasteful. And I can see that might not be a good thing.
I have struggled with boundaries in my life. I tend to be very introverted, and while I'm not exactly guarded, I don't let many people into my inner circle. I am the guy with few friends but those I have are practically life partners. The idea of connecting with a woman for any reason short of this is hard for me to grasp. It feels repulsive, like I couldn't focus on the 'good' because all I would be able to see would be the gap between that and what I really want.
Maybe this is a problem and maybe it's just me. I don't know. What do you all think? Is this a problem? And if so, what does it reflect? How do I address it? The idea of just going out and dating doesn't seem like the answer because that seems like the symptom of something bigger, and I wouldn't be able to do that without making serious shifts to the root of where this comes from.
Personally I don't feel it is a problem. I feel most other people feel more superficial to me than I'd like, and I don't feel safe with most others, and I'm happy keeping to myself because of it. I think there is room for us to feel differently. I think it's just who I am...but I'm openminded on exploring this. Have other people felt this way for most of their lives, then grown and felt differently? What was the change? Is there harm that is being done by feeling this way?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
