dday, rebooted

[dday]

True az. I know I screwed things up. But, I guess what I am referring to is that I am actively trying to better myself. Maybe she is too, who knows. We both messed things up. That is true. Right now, she is not willing/ready to fix them, and may never be.

I guess instead of knowing the future, which right now I would love, I have to do things that will benefit myself and the boys either way it turns out. I have no control right now of a possible R, until xw decides that she wants that. She left the fate of our M up to the feeling of missing me. We have lived separate 7 months now, and apparently that feeling hasn't returned. So, my thinking is that I need to be doing something differently. Maybe detachment is that thing. I still feel "hooked" and she still isn't wanting to try and restore our family. If I can truly and honestly let go, I won't feel so hooked anyway. May or may not do anything for her feelings. I just can't wrap my head around letting go. Still trying though!