Instead of just chalking it off as a failure, can you use this as a tool to make it the last re-run?
What was he shouting at you? What was it that made you lose your temper? What were you shouting at him when you did?
Where in there do you have power to handle it differently?
If you find better ways to handle this specific situation you might feel more prepared, and better, even before it comes up again. Also, this is where DB coaches are great. I know the first meeting is mainly informational, but if you give them a situation like this they can help you through it in a way that fits your overall plan.
Keep breathing!
Thanks Zues. Well, the shouting was nearer the end, escalation...after I returned fire. That I was a b!tch. That I want to control things and "want to show him my penis" (this is his reactionary term meaning that I'm acting like a man & trying to run the conversation my way). I reacted to that and said "well, you're into that kind of thing apparently, not me" - a cheat shot about the porn, throwing it in his face. Then I walked away.
I lost it when ...the things he said dismissed my feelings entirely. But I also get that's how he's feeling, even though I try to validate. I must suck at that. He sees all this stuff as simply manipulation and a game....because he knows the game so well. All of it was disrespectful to him, and I didn't see his POV much. I even brought up that I do everything around the house (pay the bills, laundry, cleaning, cooking, trash, kitty litter, etc.) Complaining...not helpful right now I'm sure. He said I should do things happily, with humility, as Christians should. The next day I did apologize for being disrespectful. He did some work fixing a few things around the house.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
