I want to run into her. That's the problem. This has all been so odd. For 2 months she tried to decide which one of us to pick. Then she chose the OW. A couple things: 1) Its OK to want to run into her. Theres tons of things we all WANT to do. The question is whether doing those things helps us get to our goals. Right now, you're an emotional roller coaster. Why do you want her to see that? Wouldnt you rather get your life back under control, reemerge as a happy, whole, confident human being and THEN see her? Why let her watch your work in progress?
2) You seem to be taking it very personally that she "chose" OW over you. Try to remember that it is not a decision on which person she likes more, or is more compatible with, or is more attractive. You probably never had a chance of "beating" OW. ESPECIALLY not if you reacted in the way I did - clingy, pleading, crying, etc. Its as much about the secrecy and excitement of the affair as it is about OW.
But then she said she has "major concerns" about OW. And she still loves me. Or so she said. Now no contact. I just don't know where we stand and it's making me nervous. What if she never said any of those things? Then where would you stand?
Hint: thats where you stand.
The prevailing sentiment is just move on and GAL. But I keep thinking of her all the time. Who's telling you to "move on"? I think Ive said, live your life as if she isnt coming, but keep hope alive that she will. That certainly does not mean to start looking for a new partner. Not while you still are hoping to reconcile with W.
I don't know if I'm just stubborn or what, but I am having such trouble moving on. I still feel a deep connection to her. I don't know if I'm deluding myself or what. I need a long term strategy. See above. Let her have the space to live life without you. Take this opportunity to blossom into NYG 2.0.
Any vets out there who can show me the road? I know it's what I said above... move on and GAL. But my goal is to reconcile. What do I do????? Nothing you can do will force or convince her to come back. That decision is up to her.
So, instead, why dont you work to rebuild you into NYGal 2.0?
Heres an exercise that helped me (props to CaliGuy for the idea): Make three lists of 10 items each - 1) things you like about yourself 2) things you dont like about yourself 3) things you admire in other women
Then, think about how to take items from lists 2 and 3 and scoot them over to list 1. Instead of 10-10-10, can you get your lists to 30-0-0? What steps do you need to take to start doing that?
Think about what that NYGal will look like once those 20 things are upgraded!
