New guy

[mbebos]

Good morning all. Really hoping to turn the sleeping thing around. Another night tossing and turning. Still having a problem with food. Starting to think it might be a flu or virus and not just a sinus viral infection. My nerves aren't great, but not so bad that I would expect to be up all night most of the week running to the bathroom. Getting food down isn't a problem, but I definitely have a tiny appetite now. Bought some 20g protein bars just to get a lot of protein in a small package.

Got the day off. Bookstore now, later on lunch with a friend, then therapy. Never heard any follow up from the W but I am gonna stay back here.

Her first therapy appointment is later this week. I really hope she gives it her all. She is so over worked and schooled right now that I am afraid it might affect her ability to go. Either way I want her to be able to mourn her Nana and cope with that loss, I want her to forgive all in her past, not just me. I want her to love herself again, as the beautiful person she is and I want her to forgive herself. She can do it, I know she can.

Thinking about her A and the time line, I am coming to realize, that this guy had to have moved in on her online pretty close to when her Nana died. She isn't a stupid person, and normally has an incredible judgment of character, but her defenses were down and it had to have started online within 4 months of her death. She was asking me to be strong for her, so I tried many different things, such as activities, making her laugh, friends over for dinner, family, alone time for us. None of it worked. When I would falter in my father's death coping because it was only 5 months prior to Nana she would start another fight. I am starting to realize how desperate she was to feel any joy or happiness. My heart is hurting for her and less for me.