Quote: I believe if my H had gone to the trouble to file for a D and had me served, even with no other intention than to get my attention, we would have achieved the same end as the affair. I would have heard his "pain", and perhaps he would have been ready to hear my "pain" also, or discovered our mutual pain in court ordered counseling. That most certainly would have let me know of his desperation. Almost ANYTHING would have worked instead of having an affair. I DO NOT recommend the affair "shock and awe" under ANY circumstances. I believe you need to have the, pardon me, balls to end the marriage instead of getting involved in an extramarital relationship.
Hear hear. My W says she's been unhappy for years and crying out to me, but I was ignoring her. I tried to explain that blowing a dog whistle over and over again wont get my attention. I later on apologzied for being too wrapped up in myself to hear, and tried to validate her feelings. As for the affair thing, I told her recently if she had just filed papers, I would have been able to handle the affair much better than her telling me one weekend she wanted a divorce, then sleeping with OM the next weekend. Feeling the M is over is not the same as it being over, legally, or emotionally.
She swears he is a symptiom, not the problem, and I agreed with her, but he is also an ongoing problem in that he keeps feeding her what she wants, as they are in the "infatuation" phase and is a wedge between us.
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
