My H had an affair with his business manager in part, and I repeat, IN PART, because I wasn't meeting his needs at home. He also chose to justify the affair when it happened by telling himself our marriage was over and he was also suffering from depression and he felt that she was his ticket to happiness. Too bad he didn't consider telling ME the marriage was over, or consider a D first, or counseling, treatment for his depression, or even meeting MY unmet needs in the marriage. But he didn't. Then I found out about the affair and our world turned upside down.
We have since learned that we were BOTH at fault and we both needed to change. In our reconciliation process, we are doing this. I will tell you that my H desperately regrets having the affair, even though it has brought about a renewed marriage for us. My H lost an excellent business manager and a good friend upon deciding to reconcile with me.
I have a tendency to agree that upsetting the perceived peace and stability in a marriage is the thing to do to get the uncooperative spouse off dead-center and working on changing, but there are much more productive ways of doing so than an affair.
I believe if my H had gone to the trouble to file for a D and had me served, even with no other intention than to get my attention, we would have achieved the same end as the affair. I would have heard his "pain", and perhaps he would have been ready to hear my "pain" also, or discovered our mutual pain in court ordered counseling. That most certainly would have let me know of his desperation. Almost ANYTHING would have worked instead of having an affair. I DO NOT recommend the affair "shock and awe" under ANY circumstances. I believe you need to have the, pardon me, balls to end the marriage instead of getting involved in an extramarital relationship.
Just my 2 cents.
LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
