Rain, sweetheart. I'm sending you the biggest hug right now. (((Rain)))
It doesn't matter that you didn't have a speech prepared. You were honest and raw. Sometimes that makes way more of an impression than hitting certain bullet points.
I was reading your post above to Pink, and I was thinking to myself that you needed to toughen up just a bit, and you went and made that point yourself.
It is possible to get past an affair. There are so many resources out there for getting past that, that if/when you get to that point, I have no doubt that you will succeed.
I was thinking that your F needed to really work hard to get you back, or he will never respect you...you should be tough as nails to show him he really is in danger of losing you.
He needs to plead with you to take him back, vow to do whatever it takes, and then be held accountable. I believe he loves you and you love him. His actions have destroyed the old R - it's gone forever. You have a choice now. Build a new one, together - or go your separate ways.
Now is not the time for you to make that decision. Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Get back in touch with the woman you are. Get strong. After you do that, you'll be in a much better position to make a decision.
Turn off your ringer at night so you can sleep. If he doesn't change his behavior at all, give him some rules! Rain, you need to scare the poop out of him. He has to realize that you have the same choices he does - you can walk out if you want to. He needs to treat you like the treasure you are.
At this moment, you're asking for space because you're an emotional wreck. Soon, you'll be in the position you need to figure out just what it is you need to be able to move forward.
If your request for space is something he chooses to use as justification for more misbehavior? That's on him, and it tells you way more than words ever will. He owes it to you now to behave himself and do whatever you need to help you heal.
Do I know how hard this is? Absolutely. Yes. I also know people don't really appreciate something they don't value. How he chooses to conduct himself right now? We'll see how much value he's placing on you.
You take care of yourself. The old Rain is still in there. I dissolved at first. I'd lost the old me after years and years of catering to his needs. I thought she was gone forever. In this past month...I'm so much closer to who I used to be than I've been in years. Old me just came bubbling back up after the pressure was released.
That's a sad comment on the state of my M, I know. I'm really thinking about things: What I want, what I need, what I should put up with.
I'll keep following you to see what's going on. You're really doing so much better than you believe. Keep strong. You have more strength than you realize.
