Much of my hard time is of my own doing. I know that I'm hurting myself by driving by H house. I don't do it to see if OW is there because she doesn't live around here. I do it because I want to see if HE is there. I guess my payoff is the momentary sense of relief I get when I see that he's at home & not with OW and that is, for me, stronger than the thought of what will happen if H isn't home, or if OW is there.

Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what to do. This is an incredibly stressful situation and how to deal with it is not something that they teach you in school. He has cheated and lied to you and now wants to act like nothing happened. That's rug sweeping behavior. If you do decide to open yourself up to working on your relationship, get him to answer all the hard questions for you first. Like...What will be different this time? How can you trust that this won't happen again? What can you both do to assure that this won't happen again. Is he willing to go to counseling with you? Is he willing to be completely transparent? Etc. It's okay to give yourself time to let your head quit swimming before making life altering decisions. You've been hurt and are afraid of trusting the person that hurt you. I am too! Eventually we will have to learn to trust again whether it is with our current partners or someone different. I love Dr Phil and think he has some words of wisdom that can help us......

"Learn to trust again — by trusting yourself. Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections. Don't invest more than you can afford to lose. While it's important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south."

It's food for thought anyway. I hope you have a great night and find some clarity soon. We all deserve some peace and happiness.

M:45 H:48
M:11
No kids
BD:Sept'15
EA:Confirmed 1wk later
PA: Oct'15
12 '15 2 wk R
Just kidding, H wants NC
12 '15 H back w/OW
4 '15 R &still working on it