Rollercoaster: Now what?

[- MB -]

I want to run into her. That's the problem. This has all been so odd. For 2 months she tried to decide which one of us to pick. Then she chose the OW. But then she said she has "major concerns" about OW. And she still loves me. Or so she said. Now no contact. I just don't know where we stand and it's making me nervous. The prevailing sentiment is just move on and GAL. But I keep thinking of her all the time.

I don't know if I'm just stubborn or what, but I am having such trouble moving on. I still feel a deep connection to her. I don't know if I'm deluding myself or what. I need a long term strategy. Any vets out there who can show me the road? I know it's what I said above... move on and GAL. But my goal is to reconcile. What do I do?????

NYGal, it's like we are in the same place! I am also having a hard time breaking the connection that I feel for him. Pretty sure he's not sitting around feeling connected to me! I also want to run into him, but he's never anywhere. I NEVER see him. That's why I drive by, at least for a moment, I feel like he's close. I know how stupid and pathetic that sounds, but it's how I honestly feel. He doesn't know that I'm doing it because it's when he would be asleep. I am trying to stop doing it though. I really need to move on for myself. If he wants to join me, he knows where I am. That's just so much easier said than done though.

My goal is also to reconcile with H. As everyone on here knows, I am no master DBer, and have made many mistakes along this painful road. Perhaps you can learn something from my errors. DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT THEY SAY AND ONLY HALF OF WHAT THEY DO! Don't forget that, it's actually true!! They are confused and don't know what they want. Remember Dec 20th when I was SO excited because after 5 weeks of NC, I went to Hs house and he was SO HAPPY to see me. I had done so well at NC that H actually thought I was gone and was never coming back, and that I had moved on with my own life without him. That night he apologized repeatedly and told me he wanted our marriage to work. He said he was going to tell OW that it was over. He did just that. The very next day he broke it off with her and appeared to be recommitted to US. I was SOOOOOO happy and as a complete idiot, I jumped right back in with both feet. Things were great for 12 days and then he did an about face and pulled the rug right out from under me again. WTF?!! He said he was sorry, but had come to the realization that things hadn't changed at all and he didn't want to see me anymore...just wasn't going to work out. It took about another week before he started talking to OW again, but they are hot and heavy again. The DB thing was WORKING, but I didn't give it a chance. Now I'm right back where I started. If you continue to try to run into her and persue her, show her your feelings, etc, she KNOWS that you are waiting for her. If you really want to reconcile, she has to honestly think you're gone. The problem with that is that it is so painful for you to do unless you actually disconnect from them and move on. I am trying that now and am afraid that when it happens, he will want to come back and I will no longer be here for him. That scares me. Just take a deep breath, relax and trust the process. One of two things will happen. You will either be successful in drawing her back to you and will reconcile, or you will be successful in GAL and moving on and will find happiness elsewhere as a stronger and better you. Either way, YOU win. I'm scared too, but we can do this together. Just trust the process, that's what I'm trying to do.