Letting go, finally

[JGuy]

I won't give any DB'ing advice since I am a newb but I am worried about you. Can you do something physical to focus your energies else where (ie gym, run or even a walk)? Do you have a close friend or sibling you can talk to? I don't recall but do you see an IC? Maybe it is time to schedule an apt.

Thanks for reaching out to me, pinn. I have been doing physical things, skiing yesterday with friends and today with my son. I do have several close friends I can talk to. I spoke with my Dad today, he's a great father nowadays (wasn't always) and has been supporting me all along through this. I have been seeing IC regularly too.

Thankfully, those depressed feelings passed after I spent an hour this evening reading through all that I had written in my journal for the past two months. It gave me some good perspective, and as I did this, I wrote down a new set of goals based on everything I have learned so far.

Since I was depressed for such a long time back in 2005-ish, and I remember just how endlessly dark and lonely that was, I'm very scared of being thrown back into that god awful place. Thankfully, every time I have felt that way since the BD 2 months ago, it has never lasted more than a day or so before my feelings change and give way to a different state. It's painful, but at least it's changing and evolving. I hope it stays that way and doesn't get stuck like it did 10 years ago. Depression is an awful place and I really, really don't want to go back there.