Thank you, all three, for your thoughtful and compassionate replies.
Julie, you made me laugh with the comment about not remembering the imagery when you're angry! I probably should journal, writing seems to work well for me to purge emotions. Unfortunately, I often start ranting internally in the shower or while driving.
Ancaire, lots of food for thought in your post. Lots. I am probably afraid he will cheat on me again, or leave me. Plus he has showed very little remorse for what happened - he keeps blaming me.
BT, Thank you for sharing your insights. I will try to find more compassion, but I feel like I'm running a little low. It's hard for me to understand being in a fog for years, deceiving me systematically, hiding his tracks, lying and plotting... And it makes it so hard reestablishing trust. I think I need him to say that he truly regrets it (he has, but I want to say, 'again, with feeling') and act like he's making an effort.
I will be re-reading all the posts.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I probably should journal, writing seems to work well for me to purge emotions. Unfortunately, I often start ranting internally in the shower or while driving. 