I've been fairly quiet on the outside. My brain is moving right along, though. I toyed with the idea of sending a letter to H pointing out "my side" - the answer to his list of accusations.
Now first, I wouldn't have sent it without posting here, first, promise. But something else that is new, is that I wrote it out, stewed on it, prayed about it, and let it sit for a day or two while doing nothing about it at all.
I can answer my own question. This is huge! No - the letter helped me. H could care less. That's the entire reason he's leaving - he could care less right now. If he were using his brain, he would already know my POV - but his brain isn't leading the show at the moment. No. No letter to H.
A new, quieter, more reflective Ancaire is beginning to emerge. A thoughtful Ancaire, deliberate and steady. I see progress! Am I happy? In certain aspects, yes.
What I like about the newer Ancaire is that I still have the friendliness, heart, and compassion of the old - but I've got new skills now, as well as a heaping helping of maturity.
It's rare that I actually see progress in myself - but I'm more aware than I've ever been in the past. I'm working on it, and looking for results.
A lot of the deep thinking I've been doing has really helped me resolve some old issues - I've been able to let some things go, just gone...no use thinking of them, unless it's to help someone else. There's definitely less clutter inside taking up emotional space.
So maybe this post is one of achievement. My new way of thinking is settling in - and I'm beginning to not only feel, but also see the difference.
So how am I feeling? Quietly hopeful for better things in the future.
That's the best I can do right now - and honestly, it seems like plenty.
