Don't know what to do anymore...

[V2pt0]

Painter, I still struggle with feelings of anger and hurt every day, though I seem to be able to redirect my thoughts quicker than I used to. Usually the hurt feelings come first, which leads to the anger. I think I posted this on my own tread a couple of months ago, but I think feeling anger is a bit of self protection. Being angry helps get rid of, or at least cover up, the feelings of hurt, pain and sadness. I would much rather be angry at H. It is just easier I guess.

I also find that I switch to anger when I feel I start to place too much blame on myself for where I am at in my situation or question some of the choices that I made post BD. I have to remind myself of H's choices and how that also helped lead us here.

I redirect my thoughts by finding compassion. Understanding that many of his actions and hurtful words were made in a time of internal crisis, his A fog, and out of his own pain that I did help cause. It is such a balancing act to find the middle ground in it all.