Hi Inpain, I tell my kids that I don't know why their dad isn't coming. I leave it like that. I know it hurts for your kids, unfortunately you can't control what your H does. For your son, if he is persistent, I'll tell him that you honestly don't know why his dad isn't coming.
It's really hard as our kids are hurt but in the long run they will realise that you have never stopped him from seeing them and that their dad chose not to see them.
Hang in there. What are your plans for today? Did you get snow?
Thanks Rouky, that's the kind of thing I've been telling mine too. I suppose I just need to stop feeling guilty about how they're feeling because, as you say, I can't stop it happening, I am the last person on earth who has any control over H.
No we didn't get any snow unfortunately. H has been here all day in the end. It has been quite a day!
Hi Inpain - does S11 have his own phone yet? My S11 is in Yr7 and has a phone as he commutes by train to school. S11 calls me or W every schoolday.
Get your kids to text H.....it's not controlling or using them though others might differ ....They have right to see him/talk to him.
Hi Isittoolate, S11 doesn't have a phone yet no. Although if this situation continues maybe he should get one. I think you're right about them calling him not being controlling. I think I will let S11 call H from now on if he doesn't show up. Let him deal with the pain he causes by himself instead of me dealing with it for him!
Your question on what to tell them. Tell them the truth. He's a No show and you don't know why he does this. Don't sugar coat it for them. My D's have cell phones and when my W upset them they let her know it. It didn't come from me.
The relationship your H has with his kids is his own. Don't make excuses for him either.
It's important your kids have the choice. I never once said a bad comment about my W to the D's. They came to their own conclusion.
Hi Irish, I too have been very careful to not say bad things about H, despite how tempting it is! As you say, I am sure they will draw their own conclusions eventually. I think S11 is already starting to see that he is not very important in H's life after just this short space of time.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
Let your son call him and ask where are you dad? Has he ever called him before BD. Don't coach your S either. Your son knows what to say. Your H will probably think you told your S to say certain things. Your H can think what he wants. It's on him.
No, S has never called H before BD, he had no need to really. H can't be contacted at work very easily and then if he wasn't at work he was at home with us. I have no doubt that H will think that I have put S up to it if I let him start calling. I am definitely going to though in light of today's events (more on that later).
Originally Posted By: IrishM
I feel your pain so much because I went through this in the beginning. The crying from the D's. It nearly killed me. W would do something mean or say something hurtfull. I'd go back to the house because the D's texted me saying help. I'd look at my W and ask her what does she think she is doing... I get a cold look and she'd say I was controlling the D's.
Your H like my W have to deal with it. Her loss, she's missed so much. Like your H. The day to day things and laughs.
I really don't know how they do it. I cant understand it. But then again I'm not crazy.
Yes, that is what I cannot fathom, that they are missing all those every day things that children do - those blink of an eye moments that are so endearing or cute or funny - and it doesn't bring them home. I can't understand it either, but, like you, I'm not crazy. There isn't a single thing I can think of that could happen that would make me up and leave and live without my children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
