WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE

[sandi2]

My question would be, "What do you have that you would not want your H to see"? That is the issue. To tell you the truth, I like my privacy, too. Even though I have nothing to hide, I just like the freedom of saying something without someone reading over my shoulder. However, this will not be something that continues till the end of time. It is to help give her strength to do the right thing.......which we are more inclined to do when being watched.

She is VERY resentful of your porn addiction, and I can understand why. You will have to be careful or you will sound a little self-righteous to her. You may think that's crazy, but you talk as though you have already beat it. You talk as though you have come through the addiction. She, however, is not convinced of it. And, as long as she can reference back to your porn........she feels what she's done in comparison, is not so bad. IOW, she feels the kettle is calling the pot black. It just doesn't fly with her.

I really think you are pressuring her way too much. There is a difference in insisting and in pressuring. Right now, she may feel she is doing all that she can do not to contact the OM, and that you are not helping matters. I remember very well how tough it was for me, and I had the information from the board, so imagine how it hard it would be if a person was not informed.

Would she be willing to read just the diffinition of PEAs on the Internet? It explains the feelings of an A being liken unto real love and the addictive power. IDK, you have pushed so hard that she may rebell about anything at this point. She doesn't want MC, so what will she do?

I see two things here. 1) Her unwillingness to do whatever you (the betrayed) feel is necessary to save the M. I think she sees herself as being the other betrayed person in this M, in relationship to your porn use. 2) You are trying to push her, very hard, into something that has to come willingly from her. Otherwise, it isn't successful, and will only build more resentful.

I think between the Pastor's comments and your pushing, she is fighting the whole process. You need to decide what you will do if an agreement of transparency doesn't come. I don't think she's going to agree to it. I am not saying it won't work, I am saying I think it will be unlikely.....given the addictive pull of the A. She may end things with this OM, but get into another A.....b/c she'll need a fix. It is too easy to pretend she is being faithful, while continuing aome type of an A.

Everyone who has an addiction needs a way to cope, don't you think? They need support and encouragement, and a plan what to do on the days the temptation seems unbearingly difficult to overcome. She needs the same thing.