ILYNILWY and it's done? Gift of 1 month

[Butterc]

Thank you JellyB. I do need that reminder about the self compassion.

Mutatio, Now that I'm awake, I feel I can tell my sitch. Last week, WAS told me he wanted our child to stay overnight and if that was ok. He didn't mean the 2nd part, I know. I replied that I hate the days I am without her and that isn't what I signed up for.

So I know why he texted what he did. I was very angry that evening and it was obvious. He's either getting help or reading communication techniques b/c his text was very matter-of-fact. Lots of I feel statements and boundary setting.

Now, I have very rarely expressed anger in our marriage. It really was that good. We could talk, agree or disagree. So what I'm saying is he has very little experience with my anger. And now he's getting the full brunt of it.

I had an old wooden chair outside that I've been saving for a rainy day. Well, it rained last week. I went at it with a shovel for 20 minutes until it was kindling, all the while calling him every name in the book. I was a supportive wife for almost 20 years, working around a demanding schedule, keeping the family fires burning, finances, maintenance, as well as our child's education. Look what that got me. Anyway this is what I was thinking during Decimation-Adirondack-chair Day.

I guess I was happy he wasn't there to have to make a choice to knock his head off.

So my anger is deep. And he can't deal. And I am being all dish-raggy and feel guilty! I even texted an apology. I also asked him if he was going to come by when I was at work to walk the dog. He didn't answer my text for 45 minutes which was past bedtime. I went to bed angry, woke up at 3 AM, and texted him a sarcastic remark - something related to his not answering me and now I'm up and seething.

Then with a clearer head this morning I texted an apology for the sarcastic 3AM comment and promised not to anger-text again.

I am having trouble letting him go. And I told him so. And I said ILY, but didn't stick around for a reply.

Last night child and I wept together. She saw me crying when I was texting him and that set her off. She is super angry with him too. He gets defensive when she expresses herself.

I gave him 2 weeks to come up with a financial plan,
( otherwise I'm calling my atty.) He is spending quite a bit on new things for his apt. I think his paychecks are going into a private acct. I have become dependent like I have never been, and flailing at my loss of control.

Today, I'm just sad.

[mutatio]

When events spiral out of control it is terrible. When the event is our lives it is overwhelming. I melted down for 2-3 months spring of last year. I am so sorry you have this experience in your life. It is not your fault. Please remember that and that you are loved. Be well Buttercup

[Butterc]

Today I had a doctor's appt and mentioned it to WAS so he could pick up child. Does he ask what it's for? Of course not. I had an answer all ready... The doctor wanted me to get an echo (-cardiogram) to check out my heart because he broke it. (LOL, sorta/ not really)

[Butterc]

Really learning the lesson of living in the moment!! Day to day works for me, but the universe decided to smack me in the head and present me with medical problems also. I can't think of my future without being scared out of my skin, thus the focus on the present. That's one way not to obsess over WAH! He just doesn't get to dominate my every thought as I need to put myself first.

[mutatio]

I hope everything is okay Buttercup. Is this a short term or long term problem? Is it manageable? Without getting into details please let us know if we should worry. I am wishing you the best. Get well soon and know we love you dear Buttercup

[JellyB]

Supporting Mu on this one Buttercup. We are here! JellybXXX

[Butterc]

Despite all the lies, I didn't want to believe that the man I married no longer exists. Found out that the OW is who I suspected. He's done the worst I could have imagined from him. How do I still respect him as the father of my child as I head into the business of obtaining support for my future? Very sad day.

[mutatio]

How do I still respect him as the father of my child as I head into the business of obtaining support for my future?

I don't have the "answer", I guess I'd try to accept it and move on, one day at a time. I know that's not a lot of help. Hang in there Buttercup

[Butterc]

These boards are so busy, I' m going to ask again how to be respectful while he's lying and deceiving. My DB coach said to be patient, to act friendly. Why does this man no longer share my morals and values?

[Butterc]

Mu You are always helpful. Thank you

My impatience is in the trying. (Do or do not, there is no try- Yoda)