Long time don't write to you. Sorry about that, just have been super busy with life in general.
Hope the kids are doing well. By now, I think they must be getting the reality that it all brought to us all. My kids went through a phase of anger and resentment and they are still processing the whole turmoil inside of them.
I really don't know what it is to feel the abandonment from someone you trust and love when you are the kid. It may hurt even more then for us adults.
So, I feel for your kiddos too. They don't deserve the cruelty and yet they need to just take it as it is imposed on them.
Hope you continues finding some peace inside of you to keep dealing with all what is on your plate right now. I know by experience that there are days I just want to give up. But then, there is that hope that life will be better tomorrow and it will all be just part of my journey.
I have been allowing myself to have some more fun. I guess there is a side of all this that has been productive and I even like the opportunity to share more life with my girlfriends, sometimes meet new people, start looking into the future for myself.
I am still very raw, I still need help and I am getting it. I still need to learn how to deal with the feelings I have inside my heart. But, I feel I am moving forward now, better then many times I was just pretending to move forward but was stuck.
I guess these whole DB thing, MLC stuff... somehow put me in denial. I was not looking into using this to myself, but as a way to bring my XH back, for not understanding the point, I put myself in denial mode.
Now, I know that my XH is not coming back. He made his choices and is living his hell, but in his view he is doing all the right things and is with the love of his life.
It is up to me to stop the denial, face the demons and all the monsters, my fears and rebuild my life. I think I can, I believe that I am getting ready for the next chapter.
I am dropping the rope. I do not have any more energy to spend with my past in the way of hoping for reconciliation. I want to spend some time there just hoping to clean all the anguish feelings that I still have inside of my heart.
Today, I will start a divorce support group and I hope to give myself some closure. And at the end of the meetings in march 2016 I wish that I can come out a new person with a new perspective that I will be able to even face that it is possible to have another romantic relationship with another man.
Something that I can't grasp right now.
Hope you are too getting some help to move on RD, you know how much I admire you and the way you are handling all this mess. I know that life hasn't been easy for you lately, but piece by piece it will all fall into place and we will laugh at ourselves one day.
Maybe when I go to Ireland to visit you and get that ride on a bike. RD, it still makes me smile and it still something that keeps me happy. The love we share for adventure and freedom.
That person was so berried, I did not know I still had her inside of me. But guess what, it is there, dormant giant that is just waking up for life again. I like simple things, I like to pay attention and respect nature, I am pretty raw in my existence, and I am alive.
Sounds familiar? It probably does. You sound like that kind of guy, deals with the practical, take care of the necessary, and then let life be simple and full. Just enjoy breathing, having water to clean your hands, the wind blowing in your face, the sweat dropping from your tired body, the adrenaline from the fear of velocity, walking bare feet on the sand, lay down on the grass in the dark night to just see the stars.
Oh well, you may think I am in a romantic mood today, but it is not. It is the way I see life until my last breath. I am a believer in God, so I do not need much to be happy. In my opinion, happiness is all around us.
One of these days, I hope to hear your voice, maybe now you will start work early morning and I can get you there.
Take good care after yourself and the kiddos, Love, Pink
