Rough day. Very deeply sad and weepy. I miss W so much. Maybe I shouldn't have a picture of us right at the foot of my bed? I have a lot of work to do. A heart to heart with a friend today. She suggested that I have a tendency to be pushy when I don't get my way. Oh god, I know I did that with W. How do you get rid of the regrets while still focusing on what you need to do to be a better person? I'm someone who was always sort of in the background. And that was so true with W because she has a big, charismatic personality. But being with her gave me strength and courage to be more assertive. Sounds like I overdid it. Yikes. I immediately went to: oh no, she'll never come back to me.
I miss her so much. Going to go check other threads then journal. You all don't need to hear all this.
Thanks, Rain. I hope I get used to it. Why is grocery shopping so hard? All i needed was pb and J and milk, and it left me in tears. Auggghhhhhh!!!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Just re-read the older posts about letting go and not focusing on W. You are all right. I'll get there. Slowly. I am trying to focus on me and getting better.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Sorry NYG.. I dont know why some things leave us in tears. They just do. The first dinner I cooked post BD I cried after. I had made too much because I was so used to cooking for him.
It got easier. I don't know how or why, but it did.
And maybe put the picture in your dresser drawer. Just for a little while.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Hey NYG.. I had the same problem right after BD. Wife and I would always shop together... that first time alone was terrible. I switched stores and it has been alright since. It will get better! Hang in there.
Hi NYG I'm sorry you're having a bad day too. Definitely put the pictures away and be awesome!
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I guess it just takes more time. Last night I really lost it. It was the first night that I was pretty sure OW would be at my house, in my bed. It's just so devastating to think about, and so I just indulged in the thought and cried it out. I was at a friend's house and she offered to let me stay. I wanted to ask her if I could sleep in her bed, and just be held. But I didn't. I'm sure I'm not the only one who just wants to be held at night while we cry. So I drove home just wailing. And i did not go by the house. Denial is keeping me going but it might be holding me back. The last time I left this friend's house I screamed every foul name I could about OW. This time it was all directed toward W. And I kept repeating why, why did this have to happen? I am just in such misery. My friend says the ache in my chest is just pure grief and I think she's right. The pain in my stomach is anxiety. Together they make a great combination.
I'm going to yoga this morning. W could be there, but probably won't. How do I do NC and GAL if my GAL involves going to the health club we both belong to? I guess it can't hurt for her to see me exercising and doing something good for myself.
Time can't go by fast enough. This is the worst I've ever felt, and I hate it with every fiber of my being. I'm so afraid of crying alone so I either call a friend or get on here. Maybe I just need to sink into it?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm going to yoga this morning. W could be there, but probably won't. How do I do NC and GAL if my GAL involves going to the health club we both belong to? I guess it can't hurt for her to see me exercising and doing something good for myself.
Hi NYG,
You could join a different health club or take yoga somewhere else??? The very first thing I did after BD was join a different gym. Not so much because wife would be there. More so because we went there for years together and I would get constant questions about where she was. I needed a completely fresh start. Definitely one of the best things I did early on.
I want to run into her. That's the problem. This has all been so odd. For 2 months she tried to decide which one of us to pick. Then she chose the OW. But then she said she has "major concerns" about OW. And she still loves me. Or so she said. Now no contact. I just don't know where we stand and it's making me nervous. The prevailing sentiment is just move on and GAL. But I keep thinking of her all the time.
I don't know if I'm just stubborn or what, but I am having such trouble moving on. I still feel a deep connection to her. I don't know if I'm deluding myself or what. I need a long term strategy. Any vets out there who can show me the road? I know it's what I said above... move on and GAL. But my goal is to reconcile. What do I do?????
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
(((((NYGal))))) I know it's hard, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I'm sure it must get easier, everyone says it will, but I have yet to experience it myself so I'll just stick with giving you a hug. Oh, and well done for resisting the urge to drive past the house, that is a huge step forward!
I want to run into her. That's the problem. This has all been so odd. For 2 months she tried to decide which one of us to pick. Then she chose the OW. But then she said she has "major concerns" about OW. And she still loves me. Or so she said. Now no contact. I just don't know where we stand and it's making me nervous. The prevailing sentiment is just move on and GAL. But I keep thinking of her all the time.
I don't know if I'm just stubborn or what, but I am having such trouble moving on. I still feel a deep connection to her. I don't know if I'm deluding myself or what. I need a long term strategy. Any vets out there who can show me the road? I know it's what I said above... move on and GAL. But my goal is to reconcile. What do I do?????
A lot of it is about going through the motions. I don't think you shouldn't expect be able to move on yet, you're fresh into experiencing a crisis in a 10 year long relationship and of course those bonds are not severed in a week or a month, but you practice independence. That's why you GAL. It helps keep you busy and distracted, and the added benefit is that you don't seem moping and needy. One of these days, you're going to laugh and realize that you weren't feeling sad or wistful at that moment, and that you felt actual happiness.
The point is to find yourself and live on your own as a full and complete person. That's what is attractive to others, and to your W. That's what you were when you met. Somewhere along the way, she lost sight of who you are, and maybe you did, too.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
