Well I knew something was going to happen she's been acting too weird. This morning she says she wanted to talk. Why can't I get no expectations into my mind. Still don't know what the point was supposed to be after it all but she said "I can't live in the basement forever & why do you think I'm trying to rush this along." I replied that she's known me nearly half my life but wants to leave after 5 months since this began. I said it sounds like there's someone else. She then told me she had been talking to a coworker. Idk why this suprised me but I've been being lied to for months. My emotions got me and I flipped out, I punched the wall like a true jackass (I'm so embarrassed, this is not me, I can't believe who I've become, jealous and insecure) I knew it, she used to talk on the phone, business and then it stopped, I casually brought it up once and I got a he's not around this area much answer. I am so stupid for not trusting myself. And she was doin this in front of me and the kids! She says there's nothing physical happening and thinks it's not a big deal but even the slightest trust I had is gone. Before everything happened she told me he brought a tinder date to an office function. So I told her it's f'd how she's choosing to have an A (ea or pa) with a guy who f@s people on tinder and talks to married women with children. Nice choice for emotional support (yeah I'm sure that's what he's there for). She said he listened to her and nobody else did and that I treated her like her parents...great I told her it wasn't acceptable, and I won't stand for it. I feel awful, she kept trying to justify it by saying how I was never there, it was ridiculous. Once I calmed down I remembered what I've been reading and tried to do some validating before leaving the room. I feel sick. Deep in I knew it but was in denial when it was slapping me in the face. I can't even remember half of what just happened. I'm not as down as I would have been a few weeks ago so I guess I'm letting go but I've never been so hurt, and by the person I loved and trusted the most. I'm not close to anyone else but my kids. At this point in my life I think my step mil would have to be next, we've bonded a little lately and she's the only one besides this forum and my therapist who I can talk to.
Idk what to do, part of me wants to tell her to leave but I think she'd go to her friends house which would be toxic. Maybe she wants me to tell her to leave too, idk. I don't want my kids spending half their time there (well w actually told me her friend doesn't like kids, wtf) or where else she finds, it won't be great on her income. I will need to try to keep the house so the kids can stay in the same school. Our kids are to well adjusted, our son with autism is doing great now and I want to make the effects minimal, this is killing me.
If I tell her to go am I driving her to OM? I've been accused of being not here for her as well as smothering, there's no winning. Why am I still even caring?
