Hey Flight, you asked a good question on another post and I responded with my VP. I wanted to copy it here on your thread. I have actually intended to comment on this very subject, but I don't think I ever did, not sure.
Quote:
We talk a lot abuot respect and lack thereof. I am curious how one can explain having "respect" for the affair partner. This person didn't respect their marriage, the marriage of the person they are cheating with, or their families. How can they respect that person and therefore be attracted to them?
She doesn't respect the AP as a H or family man. There is something about him that is attractive to her basic female being. In my own case, the OM was not as good looking as my H, but I was attracted to his "power" (or what I saw as being powerful). He seem to be everything my H wasn't at that time........and especially the areas I had lost respect for my H as a man.
Whereas M is built on respect, trust, and love.........affairs are built on the taboo of desire and sexual pleasures outside the boundaries of M, selfishness, unmet needs, secrets, unfaithfulness, high emotions, jealousy, and especially fantasy. It is not a matter of respect, b/c it isn't real love, it's fake. In the stories that described the OM, the WW usually chooses "down" from her H, instead of choosing a man that would be an improvement. So, how could she really respect OM? The "fog" and the mindset of the WW, amazingly, covers up a lot. When I started coming out of the fog, I could see OM more clearly for what he was, instead of being what I wanted him to be.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
