NYGAL, I know what you are saying and I did that for the last 7 months. As part of my 180/sandi2 rules I was always pleasant/bubbly, be the person they would want to be with. I feel like that has only led my wife think we would still be friends after a divorce/separation. Thoughts?
I feel like the doom & gloom messenger.
What NYGAL says sounds right. I mean, isn't it human nature to return niceness for niceness? However, when you are dealing with a wayward wife, you have to take in account the fact that almost everything she does is motivated by pure selfishness. She is a master manipulator. The H will be thing she's being nice/sweet/friendly........when she's really setting him up for the kill. He can bet that something she wants is coming just around the corner.
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I am still pleasant to be around, confident, happy, etc... I just don't start the conversation and keep my interactions short (but not rude). This is very hard for me, I'm a big talker and I realize that is something I have to work on in our relationship if we stay together. I've read The Lost Art of Listening, worked with my IC, and watched many videos on how to listen, validate and be present.
Very good! I think one of the hardest things for a newcomer LBS is to have no expectations. With a WS, you have to be on guard at all times you are around them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
