Stepping in a Different Direction

[Pax_luv]

Thank you Pinn for your kind words. Actually made me tear up a bit because I've felt like garbage for so long and it means a lot to have one person to look to me for anything.

I'm kind of a perfectionist and it was really difficult to face the fact that I failed at marriage.... The one thing that was most important to me. Thiswhole journey has taught me humility like I've never known possible. I know, I know- it's not all my fault, but given the opportunity I would have done everything to make it "right"..... the key words here are "would have" because I really don't know if I want h back at all. i think I crossed the threshold to 15/85. I still don't know if it's detachment or completely letting go or completely giving up. Or if there's a difference.

Couldn't sleep last night and something popped into my head out of nowhere. When h told me he was ready to date other people several months ago,he said the reason why was because his Friend (a 23 year old male actor/bar back) was only so much fun. His exact words were- I can only spend so much time with (friend's name). It was an epiphany because it was a comment that I had just glossed over at the time, but it gave me a peek on H's continued quest for external happiness vs internal happiness. He was bored with his new guy friend, so he might find excitement with women? I should note that h never had close guy friends and even the very few that he did have, he was always finding reasons to drop them out of frustration, etc. This is Something he has struggled with the entire time I've known him- in all facets of life. He even had the nickname- Grumpy.
Hmm..... Not going to mull it over anymore... Just was interesting.

3 gratitudes for today:
Facebook to keep me connected with friends across the country
This forum
Great weather today! I'm still a little weak from being sick, but I took my dog for a long walk in the gorgeous sun. 66 degrees.