The start of my happiness.

[Zues126]

Tyler,

The reason the shelf is a bad idea has nothing to do with her responses. It has to do with your intention.

You say:
It's hard not to do little things that make her smile at me.

This is actually controlling behavior. You are trying to generate positive feelings in her towards you and control her back into your arms.

This is controlling.
This is diminishing her voice which has told you she wants to get away
This is needy
This is pursuing

I also didn't like the insertion of 'there will always be a place in my heart'. You asked us, 4/5 of us said not to reply, I said to do so very non-nonchalantly, you have to edge into a halmark card. Use the 80% rule...whatever affection or emotion she shows, only reflect back 80%. Your reply was like 125%. Stop it. It's push/pull dynamic, you're driving her away by making her uncomfortable to show you any emotion.

The second part is that you are looking at this like a newbie. You have a picture of divorce on one side, marriage on another, every time she takes a step towards D that is 'bad', every time she takes a step that seems like it shows affection or warmth you interpret that as a step towards M and label it 'good'. Then you do this crap to try to control her back towards the marriage.

It's typical of a newcomer, I am pointing it out to give you perspective here. The marriage is over. She has told you that. She will be conflicted, and there will be times when she cries, reaches out to you, etc. If you are in denial and telling yourself that she will come back to you at some point then you will remain attached, analyze her every step and go through a roller-coaster of feeling hopeful and dejected and loving and angry until you bottom out, and you will keep trying to steer her behavior.

That said I like your last post and agree the best thing you can do is follow the 37 rules and NOT your feelings. You can't detach at the drop of the hat, but you can stay distant and dim and obey the rules so you don't make things worse while you're detaching. You can't control her behavior back towards the M or speed up her journey, but you can sabotage it and slow it down if you're not careful. So get yourself some space, and work on becoming the person you want to be for YOU. Whether or not you two are ever together again, the next 6 months-2 years will be about you on your own journey.