No meanness taken. I will be the first to take responsibility for my contributions to the failure of our marriage, however, my H has numerous problems beyond just that of being depressed for lack of sex.
My H's depression has gone untreated for many, many years. His depression affected me so badly in the past that I went and sought my own treatment for depression. We both thought that I had the problem with depression because mine was so overtly expressed. He was depressed too, but it was a covert depression until just a few weeks ago when he had a meltdown.
Some contributing factors to my H's depression over the last 15 years:
Poor R with his father all his life, then his father died suddenly and unexpectedly.
The end of his M with his first W. My H divorced her.
His XfirstW took his kids with her to the east coast to raise them after the D, half the country away from him. He only saw them twice a year thereafter.
Started having problems with erections in early 40's.
Diagnosed with adult onset diabetes in early 40's, discovers that much neuropathy damage has been done due to years of uncontrolled high blood sugar.
Loses complete ability to have erection, but achieves some minimal help with Viagra. Side effects of med are difficult for him to deal with though.
We go through a difficult period trying to decide if we want to have kids. We ultimately do not.
I lose my job and am out of work for 7 months. My H had a REALLY BIG problem with this. He did not like having to support me for that period of time.
Over the years, my H has struggled with drug addiction, addiction to porn (videos and internet), violence and drinking.
He has had multiple business failures.
My H has had numerous affairs with women, one of which was with me when he was with his first W.
He is embroiled in another affair now, thus the reason for our separation.
My H is deeply in debt, approaching, if not more than, $100,000, from all of his failed business attempts.
I think that about covers the major points contributing to his depression.
Our sex life in the beginning of our R was exceptional--2 to 3 times a DAY, every day, and this went on for several years. Of course we did it his way all that time. My needs were not met very often and mostly I felt used, not loved. My H has ALWAYS hated kissing and foreplay. I didn't get either until he started having erection problems and we had to give the Viagra time to work. So foreplay suddenly was a necessity for him to coax an erection. I actually got some deep, passionate kisses from him too on occasion.
So I have not always been LD. I became this way in self-defense, I believe. You can see we will have a lot of issues to work through if we reach the reconciliation stage.
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
