I guess it just takes more time. Last night I really lost it. It was the first night that I was pretty sure OW would be at my house, in my bed. It's just so devastating to think about, and so I just indulged in the thought and cried it out. I was at a friend's house and she offered to let me stay. I wanted to ask her if I could sleep in her bed, and just be held. But I didn't. I'm sure I'm not the only one who just wants to be held at night while we cry.
So I drove home just wailing. And i did not go by the house.
Denial is keeping me going but it might be holding me back. The last time I left this friend's house I screamed every foul name I could about OW. This time it was all directed toward W. And I kept repeating why, why did this have to happen? I am just in such misery. My friend says the ache in my chest is just pure grief and I think she's right. The pain in my stomach is anxiety. Together they make a great combination.

I'm going to yoga this morning. W could be there, but probably won't. How do I do NC and GAL if my GAL involves going to the health club we both belong to? I guess it can't hurt for her to see me exercising and doing something good for myself.

Time can't go by fast enough. This is the worst I've ever felt, and I hate it with every fiber of my being. I'm so afraid of crying alone so I either call a friend or get on here. Maybe I just need to sink into it?

11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat