How long was that when you detached? Was she ready for divorce and about to file?
It took me 13 months to completely detach. It was after I finally had confirmation of her relationship w/OM. I had to process all of my feelings. The hurt, the anger, the sadness, etc.
The D had been filed 10 months prior to me being detached. It was pending because we had a custody battle going on and she was 2 states away. It got ugly. I made a lot of mistakes along the way. I won't bore you with them, but as you can see they weren't deal breakers.
You said that it was hurtful to listen to her talk to her girlfriend about your situation. Then try not to listen.
It is difficult, but you gotta have faith in the process.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
